Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Just a big waiting game!
As some of you already know, we started going back to the doctor about 2 1/2 weeks ago. I have been on a break for about 3 months, taking three different medications to help bring my hormone levels down. After school let out we went back a week later and during the first ultra sound she checked for cysts. I was clear and at that point I was put back on injections. I was a little concerned with the type of injection she put me on because I had been on it before and responded not at all. Then I had to remind myself that I wasn't on any type of medicine to help my hormone levels, so instead of questioning I trusted the doctor. She has been right thus far and knows how much we want this to work so I knew she wasn't taking this lightly. On day's 3-5 I injected 75iu of Bravelle. When we went in for an ultrasound check I only had a few follicles that were measuring between 7 and 8. This had me concerned, but she reassured me she started me on the lowest possible dose and she expected this. I stayed on 75iu's for the next couple of days and went in again and they grew between 8 and 9 this time. So we were progressing but very very slowly. At this point she doubled my dose through the weekend. When I came back in they were between 10 and 12. I was kept on the same dose for a few more days and when I came back I had 2 follicles on my right ovary that were at 13mm and one on my left that was at 10mm. At this point I was getting excited because this was the biggest they have ever been. So I was kept on the same medicine, same dose over the weekend. When we came back for another check to my surprise on my right ovary I had one at a 16 and the one on my left grew to a 17! She said they like them to be between 16 and 20 mm before we do the trigger shot to induce ovulation, so we are right on target. I couldn't believe it and neither could she. I think the Dr. was just as excited as we were. So the plan is to take another dose of medicine to allow them to grow a little bit more, trigger the next day and IUI after that! Only time will tell at this point. It's always a waiting game with this process, but it will all be worth it in the end. I honestly can't believe we are this far. It's almost as if we are already pregnant. I think it helps that even if it doesn't end up as a pregnancy we know what will work now. Our prayers are being answered and I thank God every day for allowing us to get even this far. I know with out Him none of this would be possible. I want to thank everyone for lifting us up in prayer. We still have a long way to go so please keep praying for us. We are halfway through the process and we are very much thankful and praising Him for getting us this far. Again, thank you for praying and keep them coming.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Getting anxious...
I was sitting on the couch tonight as Tom is snoring beside me looking at some videos on SHER's Facebook page of couples getting to see the first ultrasound after they found out they were pregnant. It was so encouraging and emotional getting to see someones hopes become a reality; and it really got me thinking tonight. So I decided instead of sitting there listening to Tom snore and getting emotional by myself, I should give an update of where we are in our journey. Here is an update of what happened in Jan./Feb. and what is to come at the end of May.
January: We went back to the SHER Institute to try for the IUI. I had my baseline ultra sound to rule out any cysts on my ovaries. Then I started FSH injections on days 4-8 of my cycle. On Day 9 I went in for another ultra sound to see if the follicles were responding at all. At this point all we wanted was to get past this ultra sound. It was at this point about a year ago at around the same time that we found out my body wasn't responding at all to the injections I was on. Well, we got some good news, I was responding. I had some follicles at 9 mm, and there was one between 10 and 11 mm. We were pretty excited, but they still had a ways to go. My Dr. had me take 3 more days of injections and then I was to go back in and she was going to re-check them. Well four days and one ultra sound later we found out that it wasn't working as well as it should have been and that cycle was canceled. I was so disappointed but at the same time all that we asked and prayed for was to get past that first ultrasound. So my instructions were to wait on a new cycle and if it didn't come within the next two weeks to call. Well about a week and a half later I started a cycle on my own. This was the first time I have started on my own in about a 6 months. So now we are into February.
February: The doctor is just as puzzled as we are at this point as to what protocol (fertility meds) to put me on. Because I have so many follicles she didn't want to put me on injections again and risk over stimulation, especially if I am cycling on my own at this point. So we tried Femara, which is a pill, kind of like clomid only not. So I started the Femara on day 5 and took it through day 9. Unfortunatley this did not do what we had hoped. My follicles hardly responded at all and the lining of my uterus was pretty thin compared to when I was on the injections. At this point I felt pretty defeated. She took another look at my blood work and noticed my androgen levels were above normal and she was surprised that since my Family Physican had diagnosed me with PCOS that I wasn't on Metformin which helps to counteract the symptoms. Soooo at this point I was put on Metformin and Dexamethasone, along with my thyroid medication to see if that would help bring my hormone levels back to a neutral enough state that the medicine would kick in and work. I was scheduled to come back in 5 days to check my follicles again. Needless to say it didn't work, once again.
It was really hard at that point to feel like I even had a chance. I felt like giving up. Let me tell you, it really sucks getting that kind of news and having to go into work and teach your kids without breaking down and crying. Later on that day I e-mailed my doctor and asked her if she knew why I wasn't responding, if this was normal, and if she even felt like I had a chance even taking all this medicine and waiting. This is what I love about the SHER Institute. Dr. Dayal took time out of her busy afternoon to just call me back instead of e-mailing me. She reassured me that they look at two things when a woman is not responding to meds..1. If I have been through menopuase already (which at this point they know I haven't because of my age and becuase of my ovarian reserve) and 2. If my androgen levels are high. She said if we can get my hormone levels to a neutral state then I should respond to the injections. This really put my mind at ease. It has seemed like an eternity waiting to try again since the end of February, but the time is almost here to give it another go. Since the last ultra sound when we found out it didn't work, Dr. Dayal put me on 1500 mg of Metformin, 1 mg of Dex, a birth control pack to keep me cycling regularly (which will also help bring my androgen levels down) and my thyroid medication. Taking all this medication has left me with some side effects that I could definitley do with out. But I just keep telling myself in the end it will all be work it. Tom and I recently went to a fertility seminar that the SHER institute put on at their clinic in St.Louis. We found out a lot of good information and just felt more encouraged as the day went on that we are on the right path. The path to finally starting a family.
The Future: As of right now I have a month and a half of birth control I will continue to take, which will put me at the end of May. I wanted to time it this way so that I could be done with the school year and not have to stress about leaving my kids during MAP testing or finishing up last minute meetings. I figure the less stress the better. I will continue to take the Dex, Metformin and Thyroid meds until they tell me to stop. So the end of May is when we will go back and try again I am getting very anxious. Every time we go back we get a little closer to our goal. I will admit that it doesn't make it easy seeing friends and family go through what we have been praying and believeing in for that past going on 5 years now. But I know God has a plan for us. He knows our hearts desires. We would appreciate more prayers and to be kept on your prayer list throughout our journey. I will update as the time gets closer to share more news.
January: We went back to the SHER Institute to try for the IUI. I had my baseline ultra sound to rule out any cysts on my ovaries. Then I started FSH injections on days 4-8 of my cycle. On Day 9 I went in for another ultra sound to see if the follicles were responding at all. At this point all we wanted was to get past this ultra sound. It was at this point about a year ago at around the same time that we found out my body wasn't responding at all to the injections I was on. Well, we got some good news, I was responding. I had some follicles at 9 mm, and there was one between 10 and 11 mm. We were pretty excited, but they still had a ways to go. My Dr. had me take 3 more days of injections and then I was to go back in and she was going to re-check them. Well four days and one ultra sound later we found out that it wasn't working as well as it should have been and that cycle was canceled. I was so disappointed but at the same time all that we asked and prayed for was to get past that first ultrasound. So my instructions were to wait on a new cycle and if it didn't come within the next two weeks to call. Well about a week and a half later I started a cycle on my own. This was the first time I have started on my own in about a 6 months. So now we are into February.
February: The doctor is just as puzzled as we are at this point as to what protocol (fertility meds) to put me on. Because I have so many follicles she didn't want to put me on injections again and risk over stimulation, especially if I am cycling on my own at this point. So we tried Femara, which is a pill, kind of like clomid only not. So I started the Femara on day 5 and took it through day 9. Unfortunatley this did not do what we had hoped. My follicles hardly responded at all and the lining of my uterus was pretty thin compared to when I was on the injections. At this point I felt pretty defeated. She took another look at my blood work and noticed my androgen levels were above normal and she was surprised that since my Family Physican had diagnosed me with PCOS that I wasn't on Metformin which helps to counteract the symptoms. Soooo at this point I was put on Metformin and Dexamethasone, along with my thyroid medication to see if that would help bring my hormone levels back to a neutral enough state that the medicine would kick in and work. I was scheduled to come back in 5 days to check my follicles again. Needless to say it didn't work, once again.
It was really hard at that point to feel like I even had a chance. I felt like giving up. Let me tell you, it really sucks getting that kind of news and having to go into work and teach your kids without breaking down and crying. Later on that day I e-mailed my doctor and asked her if she knew why I wasn't responding, if this was normal, and if she even felt like I had a chance even taking all this medicine and waiting. This is what I love about the SHER Institute. Dr. Dayal took time out of her busy afternoon to just call me back instead of e-mailing me. She reassured me that they look at two things when a woman is not responding to meds..1. If I have been through menopuase already (which at this point they know I haven't because of my age and becuase of my ovarian reserve) and 2. If my androgen levels are high. She said if we can get my hormone levels to a neutral state then I should respond to the injections. This really put my mind at ease. It has seemed like an eternity waiting to try again since the end of February, but the time is almost here to give it another go. Since the last ultra sound when we found out it didn't work, Dr. Dayal put me on 1500 mg of Metformin, 1 mg of Dex, a birth control pack to keep me cycling regularly (which will also help bring my androgen levels down) and my thyroid medication. Taking all this medication has left me with some side effects that I could definitley do with out. But I just keep telling myself in the end it will all be work it. Tom and I recently went to a fertility seminar that the SHER institute put on at their clinic in St.Louis. We found out a lot of good information and just felt more encouraged as the day went on that we are on the right path. The path to finally starting a family.
The Future: As of right now I have a month and a half of birth control I will continue to take, which will put me at the end of May. I wanted to time it this way so that I could be done with the school year and not have to stress about leaving my kids during MAP testing or finishing up last minute meetings. I figure the less stress the better. I will continue to take the Dex, Metformin and Thyroid meds until they tell me to stop. So the end of May is when we will go back and try again I am getting very anxious. Every time we go back we get a little closer to our goal. I will admit that it doesn't make it easy seeing friends and family go through what we have been praying and believeing in for that past going on 5 years now. But I know God has a plan for us. He knows our hearts desires. We would appreciate more prayers and to be kept on your prayer list throughout our journey. I will update as the time gets closer to share more news.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Third times a charm!
Ok. So here it goes again. Let me start with the latest news.I got an e-mail back in November that the doctor I was seeing has decided to leave the practice. It also said that Dr. Sher who is at the Las Vegas office was coming to STL to train another doctor but would be taking over the STL office in the mean time. So now I am seeing Dr. Dayal. I have seen her about 4 times now and I love her. She has been through the infertility journey herself so now I am seeing a Dr. who can actually relate to what I am feeling and going through.
We decided to start trying again in January. I called my doctor and they started me on provera to have a cycle. I was put on follistim, which are injections for 5 days. I went in for an Ultrasound to check my follicles on January 30. We got some of the best news, it was working! I had one follicle measuring 10 mm, and the lining of my uterus was thickening. All good signs. My doctor put me on 2 more days of injections and I went back on Friday to re-check my follicles. The one that was measuring 10mm had grown to almost 11mm. Not such a good sign, but she was willing to push me as far as my body would allow. The doctor was puzzled at this point because I should have been responding almost too well to the injections. She said there were only two reasons I shouldn't be. 1. IF i've already been through menopause, which isn't the case because I have tons of follies, and 2. IF my androgen levels were elevated. After looking at my blood work she had seen that they had been so she put me on a pill to try and bring those levels down enough to allow the meds to work the way they were supposed too. I continued injections along with the other med through the weekend and went back in the following Monday, February 4th to make a final decision. It was not the news we were hoping for. My follicles had not grown to the size they needed to be in order for us to continue with the IUI. So that cycle was canceled. It was very disappointing. We were expecting it to work this time since we got past that first Ultrasound. I think the doctor was just as let down as we were. She said to call her in the next two weeks when I started another cycle and they could get me going again and in the mean time she would look back at my chart and see if there was something else we could do.
So now I'm counting down the days until I can call them in order to start the provera again to get another cycle going. Well as it turns out I had to call them, but not to get help starting another cycle. I had started one on my own this time. So I called my doctor on Tuesday and I went in for an Ultrasound on Wednesday (2/13) to get a baseline. I didn't have any cysts on my ovaries. Good sign! We are trying a new cocktail. I am now on metformin to help bring down my androgen levels, and instead of doing injections I am on famara which is a pill. It's similar to clomid which I have been on before with no success, but she said sometimes women will respond better to famara. Soooooooo.....I go back on Wednesday February 20 for an ultrasound to see what's going on with my follicles. I am feeling really good about this. We have gotten further in our journey in the past month than we ever have before. We are praying hard, God knows the desire of our hearts and we just pray that this is His will for us. I feel something coming, I know in my heart something big is about to happen. We have a big appointment coming up, So we are asking for lots of prayers at this time.
We decided to start trying again in January. I called my doctor and they started me on provera to have a cycle. I was put on follistim, which are injections for 5 days. I went in for an Ultrasound to check my follicles on January 30. We got some of the best news, it was working! I had one follicle measuring 10 mm, and the lining of my uterus was thickening. All good signs. My doctor put me on 2 more days of injections and I went back on Friday to re-check my follicles. The one that was measuring 10mm had grown to almost 11mm. Not such a good sign, but she was willing to push me as far as my body would allow. The doctor was puzzled at this point because I should have been responding almost too well to the injections. She said there were only two reasons I shouldn't be. 1. IF i've already been through menopause, which isn't the case because I have tons of follies, and 2. IF my androgen levels were elevated. After looking at my blood work she had seen that they had been so she put me on a pill to try and bring those levels down enough to allow the meds to work the way they were supposed too. I continued injections along with the other med through the weekend and went back in the following Monday, February 4th to make a final decision. It was not the news we were hoping for. My follicles had not grown to the size they needed to be in order for us to continue with the IUI. So that cycle was canceled. It was very disappointing. We were expecting it to work this time since we got past that first Ultrasound. I think the doctor was just as let down as we were. She said to call her in the next two weeks when I started another cycle and they could get me going again and in the mean time she would look back at my chart and see if there was something else we could do.
So now I'm counting down the days until I can call them in order to start the provera again to get another cycle going. Well as it turns out I had to call them, but not to get help starting another cycle. I had started one on my own this time. So I called my doctor on Tuesday and I went in for an Ultrasound on Wednesday (2/13) to get a baseline. I didn't have any cysts on my ovaries. Good sign! We are trying a new cocktail. I am now on metformin to help bring down my androgen levels, and instead of doing injections I am on famara which is a pill. It's similar to clomid which I have been on before with no success, but she said sometimes women will respond better to famara. Soooooooo.....I go back on Wednesday February 20 for an ultrasound to see what's going on with my follicles. I am feeling really good about this. We have gotten further in our journey in the past month than we ever have before. We are praying hard, God knows the desire of our hearts and we just pray that this is His will for us. I feel something coming, I know in my heart something big is about to happen. We have a big appointment coming up, So we are asking for lots of prayers at this time.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Pray
Nothing from my last post has changed, except this. I am asking for prayers right now. We are digging for more answers and looking at some new options right now and I ask that you pray for guidance for us through this part of our journey. Thanks so much.
Love,
Whitney and Tom
Love,
Whitney and Tom
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
An explanation...
I know for most people it's hard to understand what we're going through or anyone in the same situation as us for that matter. My best friend sent me this link and I'm posting it here so maybe more of you will understand what I can't put into words sometimes. This is how we feel and so much more. Have lots of tissues ready becuase the tears will be flowing.
Love,
Whit
Thursday, July 19, 2012
It's all a waiting game.
It's been a while since I have given any kind of update, so here it is. We have decided not to proceed with another round of injections and the IUI until later this fall. Since my last update I interviewed for a teaching position for this upcoming school year and I got it!! I also started taking the last two General Ed. courses I needed to finish up my degree and recieve my diploma. That alone, along with the stress of a new job and trying to figure out where to start there, we didn't feel like it would be a good idea to add trying to have a baby in the mix. This will also give me time to keep working on getting my liver function counts lower and be healthier for when we do proceed. The staff at SIRM was amazing and totally supportive when I told them we were going to wait until later this year. Waiting is not something I do well. When I first got the news about my body not responding to the injections, I was devestated at first. I was just so sure that it was going to work and this was going to be it for us. That obviously was not our time. It took me a while to get to a place where I was at peace with where we were in our journey. It was not easy. I prayed a lot, cried a lot, talked about it over and over trying to figure out what went wrong. Then I realized it's not up to me, it's up to God. I think we forget sometimes that with out Him we are nothing. I know that we wouldn't have gotten where we were and gotten the answers we had been waiting for if we didn't have God at our side. I know there is still hope, by His mercy and grace we will have a baby of our own someday. At that point I knew I was at peace with everything. I knew it becuase I wasn't worrying about it so much, I wasn't fixated on it. I know at this point waiting is the best thing for us. It gives me a chance to be healthier for myself and if I do get pregnant. I say 'if' because I just don't know if it will happen that way. Lately I have struggled with this more and more. I see other women in the store who are pregnant and I get sad, I hear about friends who are pregnant and see baby pictures and I get sad. I think because before I gave my worries over to God and I felt like I was doing so well and forgot that I still need Him. I think we all do that sometimes, we say to ourselves, "God I got this now, you can take a break I don't think I need you right now", when in reality the only reason we 'got it' is because of Him. So I'm at a place again where I need to be reminded and remind myself to lean on Him and rely on Him for strength and courage and the patience . I have to take it day by day and make a decision, to either be angry and sad and dwell on the things I can't control or to be thankful for what I have now, right in front of me. We have talked about adoption in passing before. I have always said I don't know when the best time will be to proceed if that's what we feel like we should do. I was talking to one of my great friends the other day and she said, is there really a time when God will tell you, no you shouldn't reach out to the orphans in the world and love them and cherish them. I know that wouldn't happen. I don't know what will happen. I am still hopeful we will be ready financially, emotionally and spiritually later on this year to still try again with the injections and the IUI. In the mean time I will be praying and getting stronger and healthier and focus on what I have right in front of me. I am leaving it up to God. I know He will help me and us to steer us down the right path. I am so thankful for all the support and love I have around me through this whole journey. I will keep you updated in the coming months as to what's going to happen. In the mean time keep praying and thank you all for supporting us!
On another note....I saw the movie trailer for "The Odd Life of Timothy Green". I think this is going to be a great movie to watch and it kind of hits home for us and I know alot of other couples who are struggling with the same thing we are.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhaPxj1EIhg&feature=player_detailpage
On another note....I saw the movie trailer for "The Odd Life of Timothy Green". I think this is going to be a great movie to watch and it kind of hits home for us and I know alot of other couples who are struggling with the same thing we are.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhaPxj1EIhg&feature=player_detailpage
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
We're shutting you down...
Yesterday was a bittersweet day for me. I had my ultrasound to check my follicles to see how much they had grown since I had beeing taking the injections, and I also graduated with my Bachelors in Education from Missouri Baptist. We had a lot going on and I'm still processing everything that happened. I keep asking myself, "Is it something I did?", "Maybe I wasn't giving the injections correctly." ...so many questions, so much sadness because I was not responding to the medicine so they "shut me down this cycle". I went in feeling so confident that they were going to be so excited that my follicles were where they needed to be and we could proceed with the IUI. I could tell by looking on the ultrasound screen that something wasn't right. She wasn't excited about anything and she didn't measure any follicles, she asked me to get dressed and they would talk to me when I got done. The nurse told me that Dr. Alhering would give me a call within the hour to let me know how they were going to proceed. So as I'm driving to the University to pick up my cap and gown I get the call....and it definitley was not the call I was expecting. It was Dr. Alhering's nurse and she says to me that thye are 'shutting me down this cycle', that I'm not responding to the medicine and they are going to put me on a new type of med for my next cycle and see what that does.
Everyone always says to me, "It's all in God's timing, it may not be when we want but he will never give you what you can't handle". Well maybe I was so dead set on doing this that I missed or looked past those signs that were telling me to wait. First with the financial burden that it would have, you know after a few days of worrying I had pretty much gotten comfortable with the fact that we were going to have to wait. Then we ended up with the means to go forward a few days after that. Next was the pharmacy fiasco. They gave me the wrong dose of medicine three different times then had to over night the rest of it from California. Do you think that was God speaking loud and clear that it wasn't time yet? I don't know what to think. What I do know now is that eight hundred dollars and five injections later it didn't work. I thought about this all day yesterday. The things I could have done different, why it didn't work, how do I know when the right time is, and then the feeling of sadness, and at times anger because why is it so easy for others who just take a pill, why do the ones who don't even want children get to have them, why do they get that gift from God? Then I remember, it's not my place to judge, I don't get to decide who deserves that miracle or when it happens to me, everything happens for a reason according to His plan for you. Then the feelings of sadness come back because I don't know why it wouldn't work and I am ready for it too. It seems like throughout this whole process everything was working against us. I know there are a lot of people praying for us right now and I think now is when we've needed it more than ever. I still don't think we would have gotten this far with all the positive answers if we weren't supposed to try this route and walk down this path of treatment. I knew it was going to be hard and I knew there was a chance that it might not work the first time I just didnt' expect to be "shut down" this early in the game.
The next step: The doctor called in a prescription for me to start my next period. Then on day one of my cycle I will call them and they will then let me know what the plan of action is. I'm unsure if we will have the financial means to get the medicine, because it's a different kind I"m not sure how much it's going to be so we may have to wait until the next cycle, but I will keep you updated. We will proceed either way. Please keep praying and thank you so much for all of the support you have given us.
Love,
Whitney and Tom
Everyone always says to me, "It's all in God's timing, it may not be when we want but he will never give you what you can't handle". Well maybe I was so dead set on doing this that I missed or looked past those signs that were telling me to wait. First with the financial burden that it would have, you know after a few days of worrying I had pretty much gotten comfortable with the fact that we were going to have to wait. Then we ended up with the means to go forward a few days after that. Next was the pharmacy fiasco. They gave me the wrong dose of medicine three different times then had to over night the rest of it from California. Do you think that was God speaking loud and clear that it wasn't time yet? I don't know what to think. What I do know now is that eight hundred dollars and five injections later it didn't work. I thought about this all day yesterday. The things I could have done different, why it didn't work, how do I know when the right time is, and then the feeling of sadness, and at times anger because why is it so easy for others who just take a pill, why do the ones who don't even want children get to have them, why do they get that gift from God? Then I remember, it's not my place to judge, I don't get to decide who deserves that miracle or when it happens to me, everything happens for a reason according to His plan for you. Then the feelings of sadness come back because I don't know why it wouldn't work and I am ready for it too. It seems like throughout this whole process everything was working against us. I know there are a lot of people praying for us right now and I think now is when we've needed it more than ever. I still don't think we would have gotten this far with all the positive answers if we weren't supposed to try this route and walk down this path of treatment. I knew it was going to be hard and I knew there was a chance that it might not work the first time I just didnt' expect to be "shut down" this early in the game.
The next step: The doctor called in a prescription for me to start my next period. Then on day one of my cycle I will call them and they will then let me know what the plan of action is. I'm unsure if we will have the financial means to get the medicine, because it's a different kind I"m not sure how much it's going to be so we may have to wait until the next cycle, but I will keep you updated. We will proceed either way. Please keep praying and thank you so much for all of the support you have given us.
Love,
Whitney and Tom
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