We have some answers

Well I told you I would update you as soon as we had some information. So here it is. :)


Thanks to some great friends and a fantastic fertility specialist we got the name of a doctor who specializes in pre-term labor. He is a High Risk OB who practices at Missouri Baptist in St. Louis. His name is Dr. Michael Paul. When he came into the exam room the first thing he said after he introduced himself was I was going to be an easy case. Those words made me relax immediately. He started off by asking us some questions about what I was feeling before labor and how the labor ended.  Then he asks me if anyone has ever told me I had a small cervix. I kind of thought this was going to come up at this point but wasn't sure until he asked me that question.  I told him no. Then he asked me if anyone said anything to me about having a shortened cervix at my 20 week ultrasound.  The answer was of course no.  He said a normal cervix averages between 30-35 mm. At my 20 week ultrasound to my surprise my cervix was only measuring 19mm. I immediately asked him why no one said anything to me about it and why it wasn't a concern at that time.  He, of course, could not answer that question.  But what he could tell us is how he is going to prevent all of this from happening again.  Dr. Paul diagnosed me with a weak cervix. He said technically he can't diagnose me with an incompetent cervix unless I have lost two pregnancies.  Which he said he was not going to let happen.  At this point he started going into what our course of action was going to be when I got pregnant again.  He said between weeks 12-14 he would put in a cervical cerclage. For those of you who don't know, he will be putting a stitch (he explained this 'stitch' being the thickness and width of a shoe string) in the bottom of my cervix to help keep it closed so I can carry as close to full term as possible. He said he will also put me on progesterone shots at that time as well until the end of my pregnancy.  He will take the stitch out at 36 weeks and allow me to be 'normal' for a few weeks before baby gets here. Dr. Paul also told us he would be the one delivering and the only Dr. we would see throughout my whole pregnancy. He said I will see him quite a bit even starting out in my pregnancy I will see him twice a month with lots of ultrasounds. I was reassured that he is going to be watching me very closely. He told me and Tom that most of the time after the cerclage is put in and a few days rest the majority of his patients go on to work full time and until the end of their pregnancy.  This was great news for me since I am a teacher and I have kids to think about at work too.  Regardless we are prepared to do whatever we need to do in order for us to bring a baby home next time. With my impending 'due date' approaching this has me thinking more about the 'what ifs' or 'could haves'.  I so long to bring a baby home in my arms.  I say 'I' but I know Tom feels the same way as well.  We are so anxious to have a little brother or sister for Honor.  We are praying that God's will be done.  We know I can get pregnant, now it's just a matter of if we can do it on our own or if we are going to need a little help.  Our hope and prayer is that we will be blessed with a child on our own and not need that little extra push to get things going. We are so glad to have found a doctor how is going to be so proactive and keep us safe. Someone who is so knowledgeable in their field.  We feel very safe with him. I think that's all for now. Please keep the prayers coming and we hope to share some more good news very very soon. :) I just keep reminding myself God has a plan and Honor was a huge part of that plan. We would not be where we are now with out her. We miss our sweet girl.
Love
Tom and Whit

The Start of Our Family...

I'm not even really sure where to begin.  I guess back at the beginning would be the logical choice. So here it goes...

June/July 2013:The last post I had written I had finally responded to the injections. At that point I had about less than a week to go before it was time to schedule the IUI. There were so many emotions running through my mind. I remember writing that it seemed like we were already pregnant. When I know the medicine was working it felt like there had been a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. My soul felt at peace, if that makes any kind of sense at all. It was as if God was talking to me saying I had this the whole time there's no need to feel burdened. So it my hear I knew it was going to work. around the 18th of June I think is when we did the IUI. Then the dreaded two week wait. After six years of trying you would think that 2 more weeks would be a piece of cake.  Well not when you analyze every little change in your body. I felt like a lunatic and knew that I needed to chill out because I was going to drive myself as well as Tom crazy if I didn't.  But you know what they say, when you know, you know; and let me tell you I knew.  There were changes I was feeling that I had never felt before in my life and I knew that only meant one thing.  I was growing a person inside of me. After 6 years I knew our prayers were being answered. I think it was the week of 4th of July when I could take a home test and get a firm result whether it was positive or negative.   I ended up taking a test July 2nd.  No one knew but me and Tom and well Lauren. So it was July 2nd around 2:30 in the morning.  I had been having to get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night for about a week now. I was going to wait until Tom got up with me but my curiosity had gotten the best of me and I took out a pregnancy test.  I had been talking to myself telling myself at that moment if it came out negative it was too early because it hadn't been a full 2 weeks yet. Well after about 2 minutes I look down at the test and think for sure my eyes are tricking me because I was pretty sure I saw a very faint blue line. This is where Lauren comes in.  I needed her to look at it too.  I could have woken Tom up but I didn't want to tell him yet just in case it was me being nuts.  Lauren finally texts me back and meets me in the bathroom and confirms that she too sees the faint line.  I was jumping out of my skin with excitement.  I couldn't believe it, after 6 years of seeing all those crummy negative tests I finally get to see a positive!!

I went straight up stairs and told Tom we were finally pregnant.  Of course his reaction was priceless, exact words, I still remember them to this day..."ok, go back to sleep".  There was no way I was getting any sleep after that.  I called my fertility nurse as soon as the office opened and they sent me over for blood work that morning.  She called me as soon as she got the results and said I was indeed pregnant.  I went back two days later, on 4th of July to be exact to check my numbers again and they were doubling like they should be.  It wasn't until this day, July 4th, that we decided to tell our parents.  We wanted to make sure my numbers were doing what they were supposed to be first.  So Tom comes up with this idea on how to tell him mom. (pinterest) I also had an idea on how I wanted to tell my parents. On the way home from getting the second round of blood work we stopped in at Dollar General and picked up a pair little bitty flip flops and when we got home we took a picture of our shoes with the year we were born and the year of the baby's expected year. On our way to his parents we stopped in at Wal Mart

got a can of Prego Spaghetti sauce and I made a sign to add to the Prego part of the jar. We took it to his moms and asked them if they had ever seen a jar like this. Thinking they would pick up on it. Well his dad did, but his mom needless to say did not.  She just kept saying what's wrong with it, I've never seen one like this. Her reaction was pretty priceless when she finally figured it out. I e-mailed my parents the picture of our shoes and to say they were excited would be an understatement. Now that all the exciting news was out we were talking about the next steps in the whole process.  We still hadn't had an ultra sound or seen a heart beat yet.  So we definitely weren't out of the clear quite yet. So I made an appointment after the second round of blood tests to come in for my very first OB Ultra Sound.  When the receptionist said those words I was grinning from ear to ear. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think we would get to this point.  So around July 11th we went in to see our fertility doctor to confirm the pregnancy through ultrasound.  We were measuring right on track and I was indeed pregnant! Never had a baby looked so cute until right at that moment.I couldn't believe that this picture right

here was our baby. This tiny little person was growing inside of me. I don't care what anyone says that right there is a miracle from God. He had blessed us with the greatest gift of all besides dying for us on the cross for our salvation.  He sent this miracle to us. After that appointment was a lot of waiting in between. I was obviously not far enough to see a heart beat. We had to wait a few more weeks for that. So wait we did, and let me tell you it was worth it.  All of this was worth the wait. Around the week of July 25th I went back in for another Ultra Sound to confirm a heart beat. I was nervous as all get out.  Tom on the other hand was holding it together pretty well.   My mom got to be there with me to witness this as well.  As soon as the Dr. spotted the little squirt Tom immediately saw the heart beating, which was odd because I had to have it pointed out to me. You would think it would be the other way around. I will never forget this day.

This was one of the happiest days of our lives.

August-November: After we confirmed a heartbeat I was finally released from the care of my fertility doctor.  She is so amazing I wish she could have seen me through until the end. I started Dr. Hamai in Washington on August 8th. Everything was going well.  I was measuring right on track the babies heart beast was good and strong. We had nothing to worry about. I busied myself with getting ready to start the new school year and looking forward to seeing my kids again after the summer.  Life was good. In September we had a real scare. I started bleeding at 12 weeks.  I went straight to the ER and got checked out.  They did a full work up, checked my cervix and did and Ultra Sound to check out the baby.  The heart rate at that time was 176. Good and strong.  We were sent home to take it easy and to follow up with Dr. Hamai the next day. That very next day was when he found her heart rate on the Doppler.  Which was also the day I decided I needed one of those handy little things to help put my mind at ease. I know people say not to order them that it will just make you go crazy with worry because you normally can't find the heart beat with them but I didn't care. I was going to get one and i did.  I ordered one online and listened to her heart beat every morning and every night, that is when I could find it. She was pretty small at that point so it sometimes took a while to find it. It wasn't long after that, probably around week 18-20 when I started feeling movement. It's hard to wrap your mind around that and getting used to feeling another human being moving inside of your stomach. That's when it really started sinking in that I was going to have a baby. At the end of October I scheduled my 20 week ultrasound.  This was the big one. The one where we would find out if we were have a little boy or a little girl.  I think both Tom and I knew it was a girl the whole time but everyone else kept saying boy, including his mother.  The day finally came, Tom, myself, his mom and my sister and niece went with us to the room.  I saw the baby moving right away. It was the coolest thing ever. She tried looking for the gender right away but those little legs were closed. She went about taking measurements, well trying anyway.  The baby was not wanting to cooperate. She was moving A LOT! The Ultrasound Tech finally got the shot in between the legs. I knew as soon as she paused the screen it was a girl.  We were beyond thrilled.  This would be the second grand daughter on his moms side and the first on his side.  She was measuring right on track. We
would be welcoming little Honor Elizabeth in March! The next few weeks stayed busy. My little sister, Lauren was getting Married in 2 weeks, so we kept ourselves busy getting ready for the wedding.  It was the prettiest wedding, and Lauren looked gorgeous in her dress.  Everyone had the best time.  Although we were thrilled that she was married, we were also THRILLED that it was over. :) We were so exhausted.  So the next day we spent resting and processing everything that had happened.  We were looking forward to the baby shower in February and Honor's arrival in March.  Little did we know we would be meeting her in a little less than two days.  This is the part that everyone knows about. This is the part that hurts the most.  This is the part that I never thought I would be writing about, but in all honesty it makes me feel better when I do.  Monday afternoon probably around 1:00, I went into my Aunt's classroom to visit for a few minutes before my third graders came in for the afternoon.  I was talking to her about how my lower back had been hurting and how tired I was. I chalked it up to the wedding and how I still hadn't recovered from it quite yet.  Never did I think I would end up in the hospital in the hours to come.  When I got home from work I called the doctors office because it felt like Honor was laying across my bladder and wouldn't move because I had to go to the bathroom it seemed like every 20 minutes.  The nurse told me to lay on my left side and drink lots of water.  IF it didn't stop within the hour to call the on call doctor back because the office was getting read to close. Well this is the part that gets me every time and I'm not going to go into much detail because it's just not worth it.  In a nutshell I started having lower abdominal pain along with the back pain and I could feel my lower abdomen contracting.  I didn't know that's what is was because this was obviously my first time being pregnant. Went to the hospital to get checked out and they sent me home and told me it was round ligament pain.  The pain never stopped, it kept getting worse throughout the night. When I finally decided i needed to go to the hospital I knew I couldn't make it back to Washington. Partly because of the pain and there was no way I was going to make it in a car for 45 minutes. So we ended up at Sullivan.   Never thought I would end up there, nor did I ever want too. But I am glad we did. I was very happy with the care we received and the way they treated us.  Within 20-25 minutes of arriving I was back in Labor and Delivery. The nurses were trying to figure out what was going on when my water broke. Honor Elizabeth Bridgeman had arrived to meet us at 3:58 AM, weighing 14.5 oz and measuring 10.5 inches long.  She was the most beautiful baby I had ever laid my eyes on. When Tom held her my heart melted even more. She was a fighter.  She had a strong spirit. We held her for about an hour before the Lord took her back.  When she was born I prayed and prayed that He would save her, and He did.  He had much bigger plans for her than we could have ever imagined.  We didn't know it then but Honor was going to keep blessing us in ways we could have never imagined.  
Most of our family got to see and hold her and love her.  Everyone was such a great support to us. The days to come were the hardest we would ever have to go through.  I'm so glad we had my sisters there with us and all of our family and friends in the days ahead.  Thursday, November 7th was the day we laid Honor to rest. It was with out a doubt, hands down the hardest day of our lives. I remember telling Tom the night before I didn't want to go to sleep because I didn't want to see Thursday's light, because that would mean all of what just happened wasn't a dream.  
 

It was very real.  At those times in our lives we all wish we could turn back time and be a kid again where you don't have to deal with all the hard stuff. Being and adult is tough and it is so painful, but also brings lots of joy if you have the strength and the faith to hold on a little bit longer.  That's exactly what we did. We held on. Held on to each other, held onto our Faith and Trust in God, held onto our families and to our church family.  With out all of those people I'm not sure where we would be right now.

All of this brings me to the next part of our life.  We started a family. We have a daughter, we are parents but it doesn't stop there.  Even though Honor was only here for a short time what I'm about to tell you next would never have happened with out her.  It is now January 29th.  That is the day I went to visit Dr. Dayal, my fertility doctor on what our plans were and how we wanted to proceed with treatments.  After talking to her about some blood tests I had gotten back she came back with a comment I never thought I would hear.  She said she thinks my body is reversing itself.  She said her gut feeling is that we may not need interventions as far as medicines to help me ovulate. I had told her that at the end of December I had gotten a positive ovulation test.  Which has never happened unless I was on medicine to force ovulation.  We talked some more and she ordered some blood work. She also talked to me about why she thought I went into labor and delivered so early but I"m not prepared to share that information here until I see the High Risk Doctor. When the blood work came back I was told that I had in fact ovulated within the last month.  So the next step is to wait for a period to start on its own or to call back by February 10th if it hasn't so they can force one.  I was pretty sure I wasn't going to start on my own. I knew that I would have to make that call on the 10th to have them call me in some medicine to force a cycle.  to my complete surprise I started on my own. I almost started crying because this hasn't happened for the past six years.  You typically don't hear of someone being excited that they started a cycle.  But I totally was.  It was almost as if I was pregnant as crazy as that sounds.  So now I go in to see Dr. Dayal on Friday, February 7th to check my uterus and make sure it is clear, and we also see a high risk OB for a pre-pregnancy consult. His name is Dr. Paul and he is a doctor at Missouri Baptist in St. Louis ,which is where we will deliver our next baby. We will be at a hospital with a NICU and be under the care of doctors who specialize in pre-term labor in case anything were to happen again. Never did I think that we would be at a point where we could possibly get pregnant on our own.  But it looks like that may be a possibility. 

So now we are back to waiting. We will see what the High Risk doctor has to say and go from there.   I will update everyone with information soon.  We have decided that if we do get pregnant I am going to go into hiding until the baby is due so.....Only kidding,but seriously we are going to be pretty cautious about when we tell everyone we are pregnant again. What happened is still so very fresh and very scary.  We appreciate all of the prayers you have given up so far.  We will appreciate prayers for the upcoming doctors appointments and upcoming months as we try to add another new addition to our family soon.  

Love,
Whitney and Tom