It's been a while since I have given any kind of update, so here it is. We have decided not to proceed with another round of injections and the IUI until later this fall. Since my last update I interviewed for a teaching position for this upcoming school year and I got it!! I also started taking the last two General Ed. courses I needed to finish up my degree and recieve my diploma. That alone, along with the stress of a new job and trying to figure out where to start there, we didn't feel like it would be a good idea to add trying to have a baby in the mix. This will also give me time to keep working on getting my liver function counts lower and be healthier for when we do proceed. The staff at SIRM was amazing and totally supportive when I told them we were going to wait until later this year. Waiting is not something I do well. When I first got the news about my body not responding to the injections, I was devestated at first. I was just so sure that it was going to work and this was going to be it for us. That obviously was not our time. It took me a while to get to a place where I was at peace with where we were in our journey. It was not easy. I prayed a lot, cried a lot, talked about it over and over trying to figure out what went wrong. Then I realized it's not up to me, it's up to God. I think we forget sometimes that with out Him we are nothing. I know that we wouldn't have gotten where we were and gotten the answers we had been waiting for if we didn't have God at our side. I know there is still hope, by His mercy and grace we will have a baby of our own someday. At that point I knew I was at peace with everything. I knew it becuase I wasn't worrying about it so much, I wasn't fixated on it. I know at this point waiting is the best thing for us. It gives me a chance to be healthier for myself and if I do get pregnant. I say 'if' because I just don't know if it will happen that way. Lately I have struggled with this more and more. I see other women in the store who are pregnant and I get sad, I hear about friends who are pregnant and see baby pictures and I get sad. I think because before I gave my worries over to God and I felt like I was doing so well and forgot that I still need Him. I think we all do that sometimes, we say to ourselves, "God I got this now, you can take a break I don't think I need you right now", when in reality the only reason we 'got it' is because of Him. So I'm at a place again where I need to be reminded and remind myself to lean on Him and rely on Him for strength and courage and the patience . I have to take it day by day and make a decision, to either be angry and sad and dwell on the things I can't control or to be thankful for what I have now, right in front of me. We have talked about adoption in passing before. I have always said I don't know when the best time will be to proceed if that's what we feel like we should do. I was talking to one of my great friends the other day and she said, is there really a time when God will tell you, no you shouldn't reach out to the orphans in the world and love them and cherish them. I know that wouldn't happen. I don't know what will happen. I am still hopeful we will be ready financially, emotionally and spiritually later on this year to still try again with the injections and the IUI. In the mean time I will be praying and getting stronger and healthier and focus on what I have right in front of me. I am leaving it up to God. I know He will help me and us to steer us down the right path. I am so thankful for all the support and love I have around me through this whole journey. I will keep you updated in the coming months as to what's going to happen. In the mean time keep praying and thank you all for supporting us!
On another note....I saw the movie trailer for "The Odd Life of Timothy Green". I think this is going to be a great movie to watch and it kind of hits home for us and I know alot of other couples who are struggling with the same thing we are.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhaPxj1EIhg&feature=player_detailpage
