October is, among other things, infant loss awareness month. October 15th is infant loss awareness day, where at 7pm everyone lights a candle in memory of all the babies we have had to say good by to way too soon. This is near and dear to my heart as well as Tom's since we lost our sweet girl Honor coming up on two years this November. I encourage you all to say a prayer and light a candle this year.

    Losing a child is...well indescribable. The pain and grief stays with you always. I think about Honor every minute of every day and wonder what her life would be like here on earth with her mom and dad. I know that she is healthy and happy in the arms of Jesus but that doesn't lessen the pain we feel daily. We are pushing on in terms of growing our family. We don't know what this will look, but I know looking to the future and trying to control it does not good. God's plan for us was not meant to be understood, it's just way too big for us to wrap our minds around. So right now we are living in current second, minute, hour. We are waiting (sometimes impatiently) for the next steps. The next few months for us as a family will be hard. Having to live through another set of holidays, including her birthday, will be tough. After we get through the holidays we will look to see what our next steps should be. What God wants us to do. Do you all realize how scary that is to let go of control of your life and to give it all over to Him? It's scary because His plan, may not be your plan. What you think is best for you, may not really be what's best for you. SCARY!! 

    Before we got pregnant with Honor I prayed consistently and looked for guidance daily from God. I remember how good it felt to have prayers answered and to feel His presence. After we lost Honor that part of me slipped away without me even realizing it. Then this awesome group of ladies put together this prayer gathering a few weeks ago and that night I realized that I needed to find that part of me again. (p.s-don't kill me Lauren Martin! but from that night my baby sister Lauren accepted Christ as her Savior I am so so very proud of her and can't wait to see what God has in store for her) So, something I have learned over the past few weeks is that staying faithful to God by praying, reading the word, and praying some more is helping me to heal.  As bad as it hurts to have lost Honor, so much good has come out of that loss. She has touched so many lives in her short time here. I am able to be an encouragement and a light to others who have lost a child or who are still looking for the strength to carry on after that failed IVF or IUI. God's hand is in all of this. There is a fire that I found that night a few weeks ago, that reignited a lost part of myself and it feels good.  

   I hope this all makes sense.  I actually started typing a facebook post about Infant Loss Awareness and then it started turning into more than just that, so I just figured I would make another blog post since it had been a while.

   So please be in prayer for all the families who have lost a child no matter what age. Also be in prayer for us as we continue on our journey in growing our family and for my sister who is new to this christian life. We love you all and as always appreciate your love and support. 

Love,
Tom and Whit