Hold your breath, cross your fingers and toes and PRAY

So I wasn't sure if we were going to update everyone on what we are doing so that's why I haven't posted anything in a while until I figured it wouldn't hurt to have a few extra prayers floating around out there.  In my last post I informed you that we are proceeding with the IUI this cycle.  Those  hopes were almost stopped by yet another obstacle to overcome which were the financial burdens of this procedure.  I e-mailed the doctor's office about how much everything was going to be and when I found out and brought the information back to Tom we had some figuring and thinking to do but it looks like everything is going to work out and we can move forward with this cycle. I went and picked up the medicine that I will be taking starting on day 5 of my cycle.  They are going to be the injections and when I met with the pharmacist she said to me, "I have no idea how this works".  I thought to my self, ...'Seriously!?' So it looks like I will be calling my doctors office on Monday to see if they can explain to me over the phone how this is supposed to work, otherwise I will be making a trip up there on Wednesday.  I am confident that everything will work out how it is supposed to be all according to God's plan.  We wouldn't have gotten this far with out Him and we aren't stopping now.  We need lots of prayers right now. There are times when I get really pumped up about this and am really optimistic with the results and then there are the times when I have doubts and ask my self those 'What if" questions. So right now I am trying to stay neutral and put those negative thoughts out of my mind.  I had some aprehension about sharing what we are doing because I just don't know if it's going to work. But then I realized that if no one knows our struggles or problems then they don't know what to pray for.  So please keep praying for us, we really appreciate all of the support and optimism we have encountered thus far.  I will keep you updated and hopefully by the begining of June I will be posting some exciting news! :)

5 steps back 10 steps forward...and the answers we've needed.

Well I have torn down the obstacle and have started racing forward again.  A big giant leap forward. If you read my last blog post I filled you in on the results from my blood work. I went and had an ultrasound on my abdomen done on Friday, April 6th, and got my cholesterol levels re-tested as well.  I spoke with my fertility doctor today and my family physician to go over the results for everything.  So first I will start with my blood work and ultrasound results.  6 months ago my family doctor tested my cholesterol levels and those results came back high.My overall cholesterol was 260. I expected that when these results came back they would also be high and that meant she was going to start me on a low dose medicine to help bring it down.  To my surprise they were not high, those numbers had actually came down. This time my overall cholesterol was 198. She said they found nothing abnormal with my liver, just what she expected to find which were the fatty deposits; but she said since my cholesterol was coming down and I'm changing the way I eat and exercising that that should get better as well. The doctor said that she didn't see a need to hold off on getting pregnant since everything is coming down. Yay!!!  You have no idea how excited I was to find out those results.  I thought for sure that my cholesterol would be as high if not higher than it was in August when they checked it and I was going to have to go on meds and wait for eternity to move forward with the fertility specialist. 
       Now for the other news! I also talked with my fertility specialist today. (well actually his nurse) She said they got all of Tom's results back today and they looked pretty good. She also checked to see if I had followed up with my primary doctor.  Since everything was good on that part and Tom's results look good and since I have the PCOS it looks like we are moving forward with having the IUI done on my next cycle! Today is day 20 of my current cycle, so I will start taking meds to start another period. Then on the first day of my next cycle I will contact the nurse and they will call in medicine for me to take, which will be the injections, starting on day five.  They will monitor my ovulation through ultrasound, and she said typically on day 16 is when they actually do the IUI.  So I think by the end of May and if not then for sure the beginning of June we should know whether or not we are pregnant.  After getting all of the good news about the test results it almost feels like it's happened already. I am trying not to get too pumped up about it just in case it doesn't take the first time which is a very real possibility. I think this is the first day in a long time I have been able to breath.  It felt like before, day after day, month after month, year after year there was always a huge wall keeping us from moving forward.Now all of the sleepless nights, crying until I fall asleep, all of the meltdowns and confusion when it happened to someone other than me seem like a distant memory. We are finally getting the answers we have needed for so long and it feels like there has been a huge weight lifted off my heart.  I am so thankful for all of the support from friends and family. If it wasn't for them I think I would still be trapped in that endless fear of never becoming a mother I guess you could say.  I know it's in God's hands, and it always has been. It's just hard to hand it over to him, but every day is getting easier. That light that I thought was getting smaller has just gotten a whole lot brighter! Keep praying!  

One step forward, five steps back

Have you ever felt like when you were working towards a certain goal and that goal is within a fingertips reach and then all of a sudden you get pulled back, well that's how I'm feeling right now.I heard from Dr. Ahlering's nurse last week about the results from my blood work. She said most of the results were normal, but there were a few abnormal results that were leading them to think I had PCO, which was no big surprise. She said they wanted me to follow up with my primary doctor to go over those tests.  I made an appointment for the very next afternoon.  So come to find out my liver function test was pretty high. I don't have exact numbers but they were high enough that she said it makes them think of alcoholism, hepatitis or someone who takes entirely too much aspirin, and I fall into none of those categories. So she thinks I have a type of nonalcoholic liver disease.Fatty deposits build up on the liver and cause it to become inflamed.  How I understood it was that it's from following a poor, unhealthy diet and not exercising.   She also mentioned that these are not only not good numbers when your not pregnant but add pregnancy in there and it gets even scarier.  So I have a feeling that when I follow up with Dr. Ahlering in a week to go over everything and come up with a plan that he might tell me to wait until I can get those numbers back down.  I know it's good that they caught this and I need to be at my healthiest when I do get pregnant but that light that I saw before, is no longer there.  I feel like any progress we make is blocked by something else and we are back at square one. So I have made changes to what I've been eating and cut out all my soda, water only for me. I have also started exercising.  If only it were possible to snap my fingers and lose weight...that would be ideal. I was talking to a friend about this the other day and maybe it will be a good thing if they do wait, just so I'm healthier.  I know I will be much happier with myself if I do lose weight and keep exercising.   In the mean time I am trusting God and the plan that He has for me.  If it is His will I know it will happen and it will happen all in His timing.  It will all be ok, that's what I keep telling myself.