One year and counting...

  I know it's been a while since I have posted anything. I think in my last post I was telling you all about our high risk doctor that we found and the information he told us about what he thought happened.

  Since then we have been back to see our fertility doctor twice. The first time was in May. At that point we thought my body was kind of regulating itself so we only did the injections to help my body produce mature eggs and ovulate. Unfortunately it did not work. So we waited a few months and tried again in July. This time we wanted to proceed with another IUI. So we did. I found out the week we started our new school year that it did not work. I was devastated.  I was angry, sad, confused, and hurting. I was so mad that I just quit taking my daily medicines to help keep my body regulated. I was kind of at that point where I was saying "what is the point?!" (not the best idea i've had) Our hearts yearn for another baby. I was just sure it was going to work this time because in my mind I was thinking, "it worked once, why wouldn't it work again". God obviously had other plans for us at that time.  So, because we save our money to be able to do this we decided to take some time off. I was not in the state of mind to try again at that point. We needed time to save our money. I needed time to process everything. Time to pray and a clear mind to listen. 

  In the mean time the new school year had started. I had a new bunch of kids who kept me busy and on my toes and most importantly my mind off of things. (for the most part anyway) September and October flew by without incident. then November came crashing in. The one year mark was quickly approaching. I knew I wanted to do something to remember Honor. She was alive and with us even for just the shortest time. I wanted to remember that short time and celebrate this gift that God had given us with our closest friends and family. So we had a balloon release celebrating Honor's life. I was not expecting so many people to come because I know everyone has things going on in their own lives. I feel so blessed to have had the amount of support that we did. It was absolutely AMAZING! So many friends and family showed up to show their support for me and Tom and to celebrate and remember our sweet baby Honor.  It is a day I know we will never forget.  So thank you from the bottom of our hearts for being there for us and not forgetting. You all have no idea how much that means to us.

  Thanks to my wonderful mother, she was able to whip out these tutu wreaths so I had something to put at the cemetery on her birthday.  They look amazing and  are so sweet and were so appropriate for the occasion. I remember the one thing I kept thinking on that day was, "I wish she were here so that I could hang this at her birthday party, or in her bedroom." Then my next thought was, "gosh I bet she is having the best birthday party with Jesus right now." There is nothing more I want than to have her in my arms to this day even for just a few more seconds. We miss her every second of every single day. I know I cannot wait to be with her again. I know everyone says the first year is hard to get through but I think every year is hard to get through. It will always be tough for me to get through birthday's and holidays. The one thing I hold on tight to that helps me make it through these days is knowing that one day I will get to be with her again. 

 
  So as the weeks passed after that one year mark we made it through yet another set of holidays. I'm not sure that it was any easier than the year before, we just learned how to cope with it in a better way. During these holiday months I decided I needed to get over being angry and frustrated at my medicine and at my body and to start being proactive again, so that when we were ready to go back we weren't in another waiting period for all of my medicines to start working again. So over Christmas break I called Dr. Dayal and talked to her about how I wanted to approach coming back. I wanted to be on all of the same medicines I was on when the IUI worked the first time. The time I got pregnant with Honor. She agreed that it was worth a shot. I had already started taking all my daily medicines before I called her and after I talked to her I started back on birth control to keep my cycles regulated and I was also put back on a low dose steroid. I wanted to give all the medicines a chance to work for about the same amount of time that we gave them the first time. We decided that in March would be a good time to try again.   Before we could proceed with the IUI she wanted to check my uterus to make sure it was all clear. So I went in for a fluid ultrasound. I found out that I did have a polyp in my uterus and it needed removed before we could try again. On March 4 I went in for the surgery to remove the polyp. The surgery went great and she actually found 2 smaller polyps at the opening of my left Fallopian tube that she also removed. We are still planning on proceeding with another try at the end of this month/beginning of April. We are asking for prayers during the next few weeks to calm nerves and to not be so anxious as we wait to start everything.
 
  I will keep you updated on when we will start everything and exact dates on procedures. We ask for continued prayers through the whole process. If it works and I end up pregnant which is our hope and prayer then we have a whole 8-9 months of worry and waiting on our hands. If this doesn't work then we are back to square one and will need prayers in knowing what the next step is. Our ultimate goal is to end up with at our home with a baby in our arms. That is our hearts desire.  Thank you all for the prayers thus far and never leaving us in the difficult times.  We know that ultimately God is in control and He has His hand in all of this. No matter the outcomes we will always praise Him and give Him all of the glory.

Love,
Whitney & Tom