Day 9 Update!

   Today I had another ultrasound appointment to check how my body was responding to the medication. When Dr. Dayal performed the ultrasound she saw one follicle on my right ovary that was already at 12mm. I was kind of shocked because I usually feel activity at this point but nothing ever really happens until my dose is doubled for about another week. I will be on three more days of medication at the higher dose and I go back in Saturday for another ultrasound. By this time this one follicle should be about ready if not all the way ready so that I can do my trigger shot after that. We still have a way to to go but praise the Lord our prayers are being answered! 

   So now we need prayers that this one follicle will keep growing and not disappear like they have done on me in the past. This all feels really good right now. Just keep praying and I will keep you updated as we get more news! 

   P.S.- Don't forget to keep praying for everyone else who is struggling with their health or other personal issues. We all know someone who needs daily prayers. :) 

Thank you and Love to all! 
Whit and Tom

Day Three...

    I told you all I would keep you updated. If this were happening earlier in the year I would have kept this all to myself. I know people are praying for us, and I've learned it's better to have full support no matter the outcome than to go through it alone. So I will be updating you every appointment, every step of the way so you know what to specifically pray for.  
   
   Thursday, our first day of spring break, was my first appointment to get this whole process going again.  I went in for a baseline ultrasound to make sure I didn't have any cysts on my ovaries.  I have been really anxious and scared and nervous because no I have never had any cysts before but I also had never had any polyps until about two months ago. I knew anything could happen. I also know that God has his had in all of this. I know the outcome of this part of our lives has already been decided so I have prayed every night up until this appointment for God to give me the strength and guidance to fully trust in Him through all of this. At 10:15 we went into the ultrasound room and Dr. Dayal proceeded to check both ovaries and to my complete relief everything looked great. We talked about the dosage of medicine I would be on. Dr. Dayal had said she was going to try to mimic the dosage and time frame from when we got pregnant almost 2 years ago now. I have complete trust in her and pray daily that God will guide her to make decisions on our behalf that are in our best interest. So all that being said, I started my daily injections on Thursday. I will take the meds until Tuesday and go back in Wednesday for another ultrasound/follicle check to see how my eggs are growing and progressing.
   
   I find it interesting after going back and reading my last paragraph, as I'm checking for errors that I said I have complete trust in my Dr. but I find it hard to trust God's plan for me. How crazy town does that sound?!  I have found that letting go and giving it all to God and trusting that His plan is what is best for us has been one of the hardest things I have had to do or try to do. As a human we want to control our lives, we know ourselves best, we know what would be best for us right?! Well we think we do. I know what we want. We want to  get a positive pregnancy test. We want to have a pregnancy go full term. We want to deliver a healthy baby boy or girl. We want to bring that healthy baby into our new home and raise him or her to the best of our abilities. Sometimes I ask myself...God is that really too much to ask. Well, yes, it is, if that's not what is best for us a family,best for us as a husband and wife. I know God knows our  hearts desire is to have another baby and that's what we're praying for. I'm praying that that is His plan for us at this moment in time. I am also praying for understanding on our part if that's not the outcome we get in a couple weeks. 

   So here are a few specific prayer requests I have for us at the moment:
1.First and foremost, I know that we are not the only people going through trials at this moment in time. So please not only pray for Tom and me, but also keep Jason and Holly in your prayers and Kelly Griffin. Both families are battling cancer at this time. They, to me, are showing great strength and trust in God at a time when most would not. 
2. Please pray that no matter what we will lean on God and trust in His plan for us. He always comes first no matter what. All the glory goes to God. Pray that if this does not end up being God's plan for us that our hearts are open and willing to move onto whatever path He has for us.
3. Please pray that my body responds well to the meds and that our ultrasound results are positive on Wednesday.

  I want to thank you for praying for us for so long. I know I said this all the time but your love and support is greatly appreciated. 

   I will let you all know how Wednesday goes! 
   
   Love to all!
Tom and Whit

One year and counting...

  I know it's been a while since I have posted anything. I think in my last post I was telling you all about our high risk doctor that we found and the information he told us about what he thought happened.

  Since then we have been back to see our fertility doctor twice. The first time was in May. At that point we thought my body was kind of regulating itself so we only did the injections to help my body produce mature eggs and ovulate. Unfortunately it did not work. So we waited a few months and tried again in July. This time we wanted to proceed with another IUI. So we did. I found out the week we started our new school year that it did not work. I was devastated.  I was angry, sad, confused, and hurting. I was so mad that I just quit taking my daily medicines to help keep my body regulated. I was kind of at that point where I was saying "what is the point?!" (not the best idea i've had) Our hearts yearn for another baby. I was just sure it was going to work this time because in my mind I was thinking, "it worked once, why wouldn't it work again". God obviously had other plans for us at that time.  So, because we save our money to be able to do this we decided to take some time off. I was not in the state of mind to try again at that point. We needed time to save our money. I needed time to process everything. Time to pray and a clear mind to listen. 

  In the mean time the new school year had started. I had a new bunch of kids who kept me busy and on my toes and most importantly my mind off of things. (for the most part anyway) September and October flew by without incident. then November came crashing in. The one year mark was quickly approaching. I knew I wanted to do something to remember Honor. She was alive and with us even for just the shortest time. I wanted to remember that short time and celebrate this gift that God had given us with our closest friends and family. So we had a balloon release celebrating Honor's life. I was not expecting so many people to come because I know everyone has things going on in their own lives. I feel so blessed to have had the amount of support that we did. It was absolutely AMAZING! So many friends and family showed up to show their support for me and Tom and to celebrate and remember our sweet baby Honor.  It is a day I know we will never forget.  So thank you from the bottom of our hearts for being there for us and not forgetting. You all have no idea how much that means to us.

  Thanks to my wonderful mother, she was able to whip out these tutu wreaths so I had something to put at the cemetery on her birthday.  They look amazing and  are so sweet and were so appropriate for the occasion. I remember the one thing I kept thinking on that day was, "I wish she were here so that I could hang this at her birthday party, or in her bedroom." Then my next thought was, "gosh I bet she is having the best birthday party with Jesus right now." There is nothing more I want than to have her in my arms to this day even for just a few more seconds. We miss her every second of every single day. I know I cannot wait to be with her again. I know everyone says the first year is hard to get through but I think every year is hard to get through. It will always be tough for me to get through birthday's and holidays. The one thing I hold on tight to that helps me make it through these days is knowing that one day I will get to be with her again. 

 
  So as the weeks passed after that one year mark we made it through yet another set of holidays. I'm not sure that it was any easier than the year before, we just learned how to cope with it in a better way. During these holiday months I decided I needed to get over being angry and frustrated at my medicine and at my body and to start being proactive again, so that when we were ready to go back we weren't in another waiting period for all of my medicines to start working again. So over Christmas break I called Dr. Dayal and talked to her about how I wanted to approach coming back. I wanted to be on all of the same medicines I was on when the IUI worked the first time. The time I got pregnant with Honor. She agreed that it was worth a shot. I had already started taking all my daily medicines before I called her and after I talked to her I started back on birth control to keep my cycles regulated and I was also put back on a low dose steroid. I wanted to give all the medicines a chance to work for about the same amount of time that we gave them the first time. We decided that in March would be a good time to try again.   Before we could proceed with the IUI she wanted to check my uterus to make sure it was all clear. So I went in for a fluid ultrasound. I found out that I did have a polyp in my uterus and it needed removed before we could try again. On March 4 I went in for the surgery to remove the polyp. The surgery went great and she actually found 2 smaller polyps at the opening of my left Fallopian tube that she also removed. We are still planning on proceeding with another try at the end of this month/beginning of April. We are asking for prayers during the next few weeks to calm nerves and to not be so anxious as we wait to start everything.
 
  I will keep you updated on when we will start everything and exact dates on procedures. We ask for continued prayers through the whole process. If it works and I end up pregnant which is our hope and prayer then we have a whole 8-9 months of worry and waiting on our hands. If this doesn't work then we are back to square one and will need prayers in knowing what the next step is. Our ultimate goal is to end up with at our home with a baby in our arms. That is our hearts desire.  Thank you all for the prayers thus far and never leaving us in the difficult times.  We know that ultimately God is in control and He has His hand in all of this. No matter the outcomes we will always praise Him and give Him all of the glory.

Love,
Whitney & Tom



 

We have some answers

Well I told you I would update you as soon as we had some information. So here it is. :)


Thanks to some great friends and a fantastic fertility specialist we got the name of a doctor who specializes in pre-term labor. He is a High Risk OB who practices at Missouri Baptist in St. Louis. His name is Dr. Michael Paul. When he came into the exam room the first thing he said after he introduced himself was I was going to be an easy case. Those words made me relax immediately. He started off by asking us some questions about what I was feeling before labor and how the labor ended.  Then he asks me if anyone has ever told me I had a small cervix. I kind of thought this was going to come up at this point but wasn't sure until he asked me that question.  I told him no. Then he asked me if anyone said anything to me about having a shortened cervix at my 20 week ultrasound.  The answer was of course no.  He said a normal cervix averages between 30-35 mm. At my 20 week ultrasound to my surprise my cervix was only measuring 19mm. I immediately asked him why no one said anything to me about it and why it wasn't a concern at that time.  He, of course, could not answer that question.  But what he could tell us is how he is going to prevent all of this from happening again.  Dr. Paul diagnosed me with a weak cervix. He said technically he can't diagnose me with an incompetent cervix unless I have lost two pregnancies.  Which he said he was not going to let happen.  At this point he started going into what our course of action was going to be when I got pregnant again.  He said between weeks 12-14 he would put in a cervical cerclage. For those of you who don't know, he will be putting a stitch (he explained this 'stitch' being the thickness and width of a shoe string) in the bottom of my cervix to help keep it closed so I can carry as close to full term as possible. He said he will also put me on progesterone shots at that time as well until the end of my pregnancy.  He will take the stitch out at 36 weeks and allow me to be 'normal' for a few weeks before baby gets here. Dr. Paul also told us he would be the one delivering and the only Dr. we would see throughout my whole pregnancy. He said I will see him quite a bit even starting out in my pregnancy I will see him twice a month with lots of ultrasounds. I was reassured that he is going to be watching me very closely. He told me and Tom that most of the time after the cerclage is put in and a few days rest the majority of his patients go on to work full time and until the end of their pregnancy.  This was great news for me since I am a teacher and I have kids to think about at work too.  Regardless we are prepared to do whatever we need to do in order for us to bring a baby home next time. With my impending 'due date' approaching this has me thinking more about the 'what ifs' or 'could haves'.  I so long to bring a baby home in my arms.  I say 'I' but I know Tom feels the same way as well.  We are so anxious to have a little brother or sister for Honor.  We are praying that God's will be done.  We know I can get pregnant, now it's just a matter of if we can do it on our own or if we are going to need a little help.  Our hope and prayer is that we will be blessed with a child on our own and not need that little extra push to get things going. We are so glad to have found a doctor how is going to be so proactive and keep us safe. Someone who is so knowledgeable in their field.  We feel very safe with him. I think that's all for now. Please keep the prayers coming and we hope to share some more good news very very soon. :) I just keep reminding myself God has a plan and Honor was a huge part of that plan. We would not be where we are now with out her. We miss our sweet girl.
Love
Tom and Whit

The Start of Our Family...

I'm not even really sure where to begin.  I guess back at the beginning would be the logical choice. So here it goes...

June/July 2013:The last post I had written I had finally responded to the injections. At that point I had about less than a week to go before it was time to schedule the IUI. There were so many emotions running through my mind. I remember writing that it seemed like we were already pregnant. When I know the medicine was working it felt like there had been a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. My soul felt at peace, if that makes any kind of sense at all. It was as if God was talking to me saying I had this the whole time there's no need to feel burdened. So it my hear I knew it was going to work. around the 18th of June I think is when we did the IUI. Then the dreaded two week wait. After six years of trying you would think that 2 more weeks would be a piece of cake.  Well not when you analyze every little change in your body. I felt like a lunatic and knew that I needed to chill out because I was going to drive myself as well as Tom crazy if I didn't.  But you know what they say, when you know, you know; and let me tell you I knew.  There were changes I was feeling that I had never felt before in my life and I knew that only meant one thing.  I was growing a person inside of me. After 6 years I knew our prayers were being answered. I think it was the week of 4th of July when I could take a home test and get a firm result whether it was positive or negative.   I ended up taking a test July 2nd.  No one knew but me and Tom and well Lauren. So it was July 2nd around 2:30 in the morning.  I had been having to get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night for about a week now. I was going to wait until Tom got up with me but my curiosity had gotten the best of me and I took out a pregnancy test.  I had been talking to myself telling myself at that moment if it came out negative it was too early because it hadn't been a full 2 weeks yet. Well after about 2 minutes I look down at the test and think for sure my eyes are tricking me because I was pretty sure I saw a very faint blue line. This is where Lauren comes in.  I needed her to look at it too.  I could have woken Tom up but I didn't want to tell him yet just in case it was me being nuts.  Lauren finally texts me back and meets me in the bathroom and confirms that she too sees the faint line.  I was jumping out of my skin with excitement.  I couldn't believe it, after 6 years of seeing all those crummy negative tests I finally get to see a positive!!

I went straight up stairs and told Tom we were finally pregnant.  Of course his reaction was priceless, exact words, I still remember them to this day..."ok, go back to sleep".  There was no way I was getting any sleep after that.  I called my fertility nurse as soon as the office opened and they sent me over for blood work that morning.  She called me as soon as she got the results and said I was indeed pregnant.  I went back two days later, on 4th of July to be exact to check my numbers again and they were doubling like they should be.  It wasn't until this day, July 4th, that we decided to tell our parents.  We wanted to make sure my numbers were doing what they were supposed to be first.  So Tom comes up with this idea on how to tell him mom. (pinterest) I also had an idea on how I wanted to tell my parents. On the way home from getting the second round of blood work we stopped in at Dollar General and picked up a pair little bitty flip flops and when we got home we took a picture of our shoes with the year we were born and the year of the baby's expected year. On our way to his parents we stopped in at Wal Mart

got a can of Prego Spaghetti sauce and I made a sign to add to the Prego part of the jar. We took it to his moms and asked them if they had ever seen a jar like this. Thinking they would pick up on it. Well his dad did, but his mom needless to say did not.  She just kept saying what's wrong with it, I've never seen one like this. Her reaction was pretty priceless when she finally figured it out. I e-mailed my parents the picture of our shoes and to say they were excited would be an understatement. Now that all the exciting news was out we were talking about the next steps in the whole process.  We still hadn't had an ultra sound or seen a heart beat yet.  So we definitely weren't out of the clear quite yet. So I made an appointment after the second round of blood tests to come in for my very first OB Ultra Sound.  When the receptionist said those words I was grinning from ear to ear. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think we would get to this point.  So around July 11th we went in to see our fertility doctor to confirm the pregnancy through ultrasound.  We were measuring right on track and I was indeed pregnant! Never had a baby looked so cute until right at that moment.I couldn't believe that this picture right

here was our baby. This tiny little person was growing inside of me. I don't care what anyone says that right there is a miracle from God. He had blessed us with the greatest gift of all besides dying for us on the cross for our salvation.  He sent this miracle to us. After that appointment was a lot of waiting in between. I was obviously not far enough to see a heart beat. We had to wait a few more weeks for that. So wait we did, and let me tell you it was worth it.  All of this was worth the wait. Around the week of July 25th I went back in for another Ultra Sound to confirm a heart beat. I was nervous as all get out.  Tom on the other hand was holding it together pretty well.   My mom got to be there with me to witness this as well.  As soon as the Dr. spotted the little squirt Tom immediately saw the heart beating, which was odd because I had to have it pointed out to me. You would think it would be the other way around. I will never forget this day.

This was one of the happiest days of our lives.

August-November: After we confirmed a heartbeat I was finally released from the care of my fertility doctor.  She is so amazing I wish she could have seen me through until the end. I started Dr. Hamai in Washington on August 8th. Everything was going well.  I was measuring right on track the babies heart beast was good and strong. We had nothing to worry about. I busied myself with getting ready to start the new school year and looking forward to seeing my kids again after the summer.  Life was good. In September we had a real scare. I started bleeding at 12 weeks.  I went straight to the ER and got checked out.  They did a full work up, checked my cervix and did and Ultra Sound to check out the baby.  The heart rate at that time was 176. Good and strong.  We were sent home to take it easy and to follow up with Dr. Hamai the next day. That very next day was when he found her heart rate on the Doppler.  Which was also the day I decided I needed one of those handy little things to help put my mind at ease. I know people say not to order them that it will just make you go crazy with worry because you normally can't find the heart beat with them but I didn't care. I was going to get one and i did.  I ordered one online and listened to her heart beat every morning and every night, that is when I could find it. She was pretty small at that point so it sometimes took a while to find it. It wasn't long after that, probably around week 18-20 when I started feeling movement. It's hard to wrap your mind around that and getting used to feeling another human being moving inside of your stomach. That's when it really started sinking in that I was going to have a baby. At the end of October I scheduled my 20 week ultrasound.  This was the big one. The one where we would find out if we were have a little boy or a little girl.  I think both Tom and I knew it was a girl the whole time but everyone else kept saying boy, including his mother.  The day finally came, Tom, myself, his mom and my sister and niece went with us to the room.  I saw the baby moving right away. It was the coolest thing ever. She tried looking for the gender right away but those little legs were closed. She went about taking measurements, well trying anyway.  The baby was not wanting to cooperate. She was moving A LOT! The Ultrasound Tech finally got the shot in between the legs. I knew as soon as she paused the screen it was a girl.  We were beyond thrilled.  This would be the second grand daughter on his moms side and the first on his side.  She was measuring right on track. We
would be welcoming little Honor Elizabeth in March! The next few weeks stayed busy. My little sister, Lauren was getting Married in 2 weeks, so we kept ourselves busy getting ready for the wedding.  It was the prettiest wedding, and Lauren looked gorgeous in her dress.  Everyone had the best time.  Although we were thrilled that she was married, we were also THRILLED that it was over. :) We were so exhausted.  So the next day we spent resting and processing everything that had happened.  We were looking forward to the baby shower in February and Honor's arrival in March.  Little did we know we would be meeting her in a little less than two days.  This is the part that everyone knows about. This is the part that hurts the most.  This is the part that I never thought I would be writing about, but in all honesty it makes me feel better when I do.  Monday afternoon probably around 1:00, I went into my Aunt's classroom to visit for a few minutes before my third graders came in for the afternoon.  I was talking to her about how my lower back had been hurting and how tired I was. I chalked it up to the wedding and how I still hadn't recovered from it quite yet.  Never did I think I would end up in the hospital in the hours to come.  When I got home from work I called the doctors office because it felt like Honor was laying across my bladder and wouldn't move because I had to go to the bathroom it seemed like every 20 minutes.  The nurse told me to lay on my left side and drink lots of water.  IF it didn't stop within the hour to call the on call doctor back because the office was getting read to close. Well this is the part that gets me every time and I'm not going to go into much detail because it's just not worth it.  In a nutshell I started having lower abdominal pain along with the back pain and I could feel my lower abdomen contracting.  I didn't know that's what is was because this was obviously my first time being pregnant. Went to the hospital to get checked out and they sent me home and told me it was round ligament pain.  The pain never stopped, it kept getting worse throughout the night. When I finally decided i needed to go to the hospital I knew I couldn't make it back to Washington. Partly because of the pain and there was no way I was going to make it in a car for 45 minutes. So we ended up at Sullivan.   Never thought I would end up there, nor did I ever want too. But I am glad we did. I was very happy with the care we received and the way they treated us.  Within 20-25 minutes of arriving I was back in Labor and Delivery. The nurses were trying to figure out what was going on when my water broke. Honor Elizabeth Bridgeman had arrived to meet us at 3:58 AM, weighing 14.5 oz and measuring 10.5 inches long.  She was the most beautiful baby I had ever laid my eyes on. When Tom held her my heart melted even more. She was a fighter.  She had a strong spirit. We held her for about an hour before the Lord took her back.  When she was born I prayed and prayed that He would save her, and He did.  He had much bigger plans for her than we could have ever imagined.  We didn't know it then but Honor was going to keep blessing us in ways we could have never imagined.  
Most of our family got to see and hold her and love her.  Everyone was such a great support to us. The days to come were the hardest we would ever have to go through.  I'm so glad we had my sisters there with us and all of our family and friends in the days ahead.  Thursday, November 7th was the day we laid Honor to rest. It was with out a doubt, hands down the hardest day of our lives. I remember telling Tom the night before I didn't want to go to sleep because I didn't want to see Thursday's light, because that would mean all of what just happened wasn't a dream.  
 

It was very real.  At those times in our lives we all wish we could turn back time and be a kid again where you don't have to deal with all the hard stuff. Being and adult is tough and it is so painful, but also brings lots of joy if you have the strength and the faith to hold on a little bit longer.  That's exactly what we did. We held on. Held on to each other, held onto our Faith and Trust in God, held onto our families and to our church family.  With out all of those people I'm not sure where we would be right now.

All of this brings me to the next part of our life.  We started a family. We have a daughter, we are parents but it doesn't stop there.  Even though Honor was only here for a short time what I'm about to tell you next would never have happened with out her.  It is now January 29th.  That is the day I went to visit Dr. Dayal, my fertility doctor on what our plans were and how we wanted to proceed with treatments.  After talking to her about some blood tests I had gotten back she came back with a comment I never thought I would hear.  She said she thinks my body is reversing itself.  She said her gut feeling is that we may not need interventions as far as medicines to help me ovulate. I had told her that at the end of December I had gotten a positive ovulation test.  Which has never happened unless I was on medicine to force ovulation.  We talked some more and she ordered some blood work. She also talked to me about why she thought I went into labor and delivered so early but I"m not prepared to share that information here until I see the High Risk Doctor. When the blood work came back I was told that I had in fact ovulated within the last month.  So the next step is to wait for a period to start on its own or to call back by February 10th if it hasn't so they can force one.  I was pretty sure I wasn't going to start on my own. I knew that I would have to make that call on the 10th to have them call me in some medicine to force a cycle.  to my complete surprise I started on my own. I almost started crying because this hasn't happened for the past six years.  You typically don't hear of someone being excited that they started a cycle.  But I totally was.  It was almost as if I was pregnant as crazy as that sounds.  So now I go in to see Dr. Dayal on Friday, February 7th to check my uterus and make sure it is clear, and we also see a high risk OB for a pre-pregnancy consult. His name is Dr. Paul and he is a doctor at Missouri Baptist in St. Louis ,which is where we will deliver our next baby. We will be at a hospital with a NICU and be under the care of doctors who specialize in pre-term labor in case anything were to happen again. Never did I think that we would be at a point where we could possibly get pregnant on our own.  But it looks like that may be a possibility. 

So now we are back to waiting. We will see what the High Risk doctor has to say and go from there.   I will update everyone with information soon.  We have decided that if we do get pregnant I am going to go into hiding until the baby is due so.....Only kidding,but seriously we are going to be pretty cautious about when we tell everyone we are pregnant again. What happened is still so very fresh and very scary.  We appreciate all of the prayers you have given up so far.  We will appreciate prayers for the upcoming doctors appointments and upcoming months as we try to add another new addition to our family soon.  

Love,
Whitney and Tom

   

Just a big waiting game!

As some of you already know, we started going back to the doctor about 2 1/2 weeks ago.  I have been on a break for about 3 months, taking three different medications to help bring my hormone levels down. After school let out we went back a week later and during the first ultra sound she checked for cysts.  I was clear and at that point I was put back on injections.  I was a little concerned with the type of injection she put me on because I had been on it before and responded not at all.  Then I had to remind myself that I wasn't on any type of medicine to help my hormone levels, so instead of questioning I trusted the doctor.  She has been right thus far and knows how much we want this to work so I knew she wasn't taking this lightly. On day's 3-5 I injected 75iu of Bravelle. When we went in for an ultrasound check I only had a few follicles that were measuring between 7 and 8. This had me concerned, but she reassured me she started me on the lowest possible dose and she expected this.  I stayed on 75iu's for the next couple of days and went in again and they grew between 8 and 9 this time. So we were progressing but very very slowly.  At this point she doubled my dose through the weekend. When I came back in they were between 10 and 12. I was kept on the same dose for a few more days and when I came back I had 2 follicles on my right ovary that were at 13mm and one on my left that was at 10mm.  At this point I was getting excited because this was the biggest they have ever been.  So I was kept on the same medicine, same dose over the weekend.  When we came back for another check to my surprise on my right ovary I had one at a 16 and the one on my left grew to a 17! She said they like them to be between 16 and 20 mm before we do the trigger shot to induce ovulation, so we are right on target.  I couldn't believe it and neither could she. I think the Dr. was just as excited as we were. So the plan is to take another dose of medicine to allow them to grow a little bit more, trigger the next day and IUI after that! Only time will tell at this point. It's always a waiting game with this process, but it will all be worth it in the end. I honestly can't believe we are this far.  It's almost as if we are already pregnant.  I think it helps that even if it doesn't end up as a pregnancy we know what will work now.  Our prayers are being answered and I thank God every day for allowing us to get even this far.  I know with out Him none of this would be possible.  I want to thank everyone for lifting us up in prayer. We still have a long way to go so please keep praying for us. We are halfway through the process and we are very much thankful and praising Him for getting us this far. Again, thank you for praying and keep them coming.

Getting anxious...

I was sitting on the couch tonight as Tom is snoring beside me looking at some videos on SHER's Facebook page of couples getting to see the first ultrasound after they found out they were pregnant. It was so encouraging and emotional getting to see someones hopes become a reality; and it really got me thinking tonight.  So I decided instead of sitting there listening to Tom snore and getting emotional by myself, I should give an update of where we are in our journey. Here is an update of what happened in Jan./Feb. and what is to come at the end of May. 

January: We went back to the SHER Institute to try for the IUI.  I had my baseline ultra sound to rule out any cysts on my ovaries.  Then I started FSH injections on days 4-8 of my cycle.  On Day 9 I went in for another ultra sound to see if the follicles were responding at all.  At this point all we wanted was to get past this ultra sound.  It was at this point about a year ago at around the same time that we found out my body wasn't responding at all to the injections I was on.  Well, we got some good news, I was responding. I had some follicles at 9 mm, and there was one between 10 and 11 mm.  We were pretty excited, but they still had a ways to go.  My Dr. had me take 3 more days of injections and then I was to go back in and she was going to re-check them.  Well four days and one ultra sound later we found out that it wasn't working as well as it should have been and that cycle was canceled. I was so disappointed but at the same time all that we asked and prayed for was to get past that first ultrasound.  So my instructions were to wait on a new cycle and if it didn't come within the next two weeks to call. Well about a week and a half later I started a cycle on my own.  This was the first time I have started on my own in about a 6 months.  So now we are into February.

February: The doctor is just as puzzled as we are at this point as to what protocol (fertility meds) to put me on.  Because I have so many follicles she didn't want to put me on injections again and risk over stimulation, especially if I am cycling on my own at this point.  So we tried Femara, which is a pill, kind of like clomid only not.  So I started the Femara on day 5 and took it through day 9.  Unfortunatley this did not do what we had hoped.  My follicles hardly responded at all and the lining of my uterus was pretty thin compared to when I was on the injections. At this point I felt pretty defeated.  She took another look at my blood work and noticed my androgen levels were above normal and she was surprised that since my Family Physican had diagnosed me with PCOS that I wasn't on Metformin which helps to counteract the symptoms.  Soooo at this point I was put on Metformin and Dexamethasone, along with my thyroid medication to see if that would help bring my hormone levels back to a neutral enough state that the medicine would kick in and work. I was scheduled to come back in 5 days to check my follicles again.  Needless to say it didn't work, once again. 

It was really hard at that point to feel like I even had a chance.  I felt like giving up. Let me tell you, it really sucks getting that kind of news and having to go into work and teach your kids without breaking down and crying.  Later on that day I e-mailed my doctor and asked her if she knew why I wasn't responding, if this was normal, and if she even felt like I had a chance even taking all this medicine and waiting.  This is what I love about the SHER Institute.  Dr. Dayal took time out of her busy afternoon to just call me back instead of e-mailing me.  She reassured me that they look at two things when a woman is not responding to meds..1. If I have been through menopuase already (which at this point they know I haven't because of my age and becuase of my ovarian reserve) and 2. If my androgen levels are high. She said if we can get my hormone levels to a neutral state then I should respond to the injections.  This really put my mind at ease.  It has seemed like an eternity waiting to try again since the end of February, but the time is almost here to give it another go.  Since the last ultra sound when we found out it didn't work, Dr. Dayal put me on 1500 mg of Metformin, 1 mg of Dex, a birth control pack to keep me cycling regularly (which will also help bring my androgen levels down) and my thyroid medication.  Taking all this medication has left me with some side effects that I could definitley do with out.  But I just keep telling myself in the end it will all be work it.  Tom and I recently went to a fertility seminar that the SHER institute put on at their clinic in St.Louis. We found out a lot of good information and just felt more encouraged as the day went on that we are on the right path.  The path to finally starting a family. 

The Future: As of right now I have a month and a half of birth control I will continue to take, which will put me at the end of May. I wanted to time it this way so that I could be done with the school year and not have to stress about leaving my kids during MAP testing or finishing up last minute meetings. I figure the less stress the better.  I will continue to take the Dex, Metformin and Thyroid meds until they tell me to stop. So the end of May is when we will go back and try again  I am getting very anxious.  Every time we go back we get a little closer to our goal. I will admit that it doesn't make it easy seeing friends and family go through what we have been praying and believeing in for that past going on 5 years now. But I know God has a plan for us. He knows our hearts desires. We would appreciate more prayers and to be kept on your prayer list throughout our journey.  I will update as the time gets closer to share more news.